I once read that there are some questions that everybody should ask themselves periodically in life, one of them being this - "What is your biggest fear?" Have tried it and found that this simple question could give you an interesting insight into your state of mind at that point of time.
Well, so just a few days ago, I was miserable - as in I had a bad cold and cough, which is only aggravated by the stress of a non stop nonsense type work week. Just to give a background on this, I am normally a very healthy person - to the extent that the only illness I ever remember suffering from over the past many years long time is a bad bout of cold and a sore throat which affects my voice. And even this makes an appearance(and quick disappearance) once or twice a year.
Well, so this year's bout struck a while back. Tired and helpless, I reconciled myself to the pain that was passing each day sniffing and coughing in the stifling air conditioned atmosphere at work. And thats when I felt something gnawing at my mind, something I could not put my finger on. Something seemed very wrong - and then it hit me. This cold thing never lasts so long! My voice which was all but gone was never so bad.
I guess usually when I have this problem, I take a break from daily life and curl up in bed for a day or two- ensuring that am ok in a few days. But somehow that just did not happen this time. As I struggled on one day, I asked myself this question about what I fear. Surprisingly, I found the answer - I fear I might lose my voice.
Just like that. A wierd fear you might say. And I couldnt agree more. I's never thought of it much before. I think the only time I had thought of it was years ago when I read a story of a woman who had temporarily lose her voice. I remember her mentioning how not speaking for a few days helped her listen to her family and understand them better.
But why was I feeling this way? I thought about it and realised, that it was no so much losing my voice that I was worried about, but losing my ability to express myself. Over the past weeks when my voice was feeble, I often found myself avoiding talking when it was not necessary. And thats what scared me. I found myself trying to hum a tune while driving home from work as usual and then giving up when my voice would just give way. I guess one's voice is like one's mind's doorway to the world. And I suppose I feel that when my voice is gone, that doorway is closing in on me. And thats a scary proposition. I guess I just realised what exressing myself when I wanted through word or song is so important to me.
I guess I got real then about my illness. Decided to take some time off from work and relax. Even decided to take the cough medicine that I had been avoiding assuming that my voice would just normally return. And thankfully, my voice is nearly back to normal now. I suppose this is one more thing I will not take for granted again.
I think I need more time to think of why such a ludicrous fear would enter my mind but I would encourage you to take some time off and explore this question at length. As I said, it teach you something about yourself that you never thought you knew.
Well, so just a few days ago, I was miserable - as in I had a bad cold and cough, which is only aggravated by the stress of a non stop nonsense type work week. Just to give a background on this, I am normally a very healthy person - to the extent that the only illness I ever remember suffering from over the past many years long time is a bad bout of cold and a sore throat which affects my voice. And even this makes an appearance(and quick disappearance) once or twice a year.
Well, so this year's bout struck a while back. Tired and helpless, I reconciled myself to the pain that was passing each day sniffing and coughing in the stifling air conditioned atmosphere at work. And thats when I felt something gnawing at my mind, something I could not put my finger on. Something seemed very wrong - and then it hit me. This cold thing never lasts so long! My voice which was all but gone was never so bad.
I guess usually when I have this problem, I take a break from daily life and curl up in bed for a day or two- ensuring that am ok in a few days. But somehow that just did not happen this time. As I struggled on one day, I asked myself this question about what I fear. Surprisingly, I found the answer - I fear I might lose my voice.
Just like that. A wierd fear you might say. And I couldnt agree more. I's never thought of it much before. I think the only time I had thought of it was years ago when I read a story of a woman who had temporarily lose her voice. I remember her mentioning how not speaking for a few days helped her listen to her family and understand them better.
But why was I feeling this way? I thought about it and realised, that it was no so much losing my voice that I was worried about, but losing my ability to express myself. Over the past weeks when my voice was feeble, I often found myself avoiding talking when it was not necessary. And thats what scared me. I found myself trying to hum a tune while driving home from work as usual and then giving up when my voice would just give way. I guess one's voice is like one's mind's doorway to the world. And I suppose I feel that when my voice is gone, that doorway is closing in on me. And thats a scary proposition. I guess I just realised what exressing myself when I wanted through word or song is so important to me.
I guess I got real then about my illness. Decided to take some time off from work and relax. Even decided to take the cough medicine that I had been avoiding assuming that my voice would just normally return. And thankfully, my voice is nearly back to normal now. I suppose this is one more thing I will not take for granted again.
I think I need more time to think of why such a ludicrous fear would enter my mind but I would encourage you to take some time off and explore this question at length. As I said, it teach you something about yourself that you never thought you knew.
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