Response/Ability

A few stanzas from one of my favourite books which has somehow spoken to me strongly over the years...can be interpreted in many ways...would be interesting to see how others do so..

Response/Ability

the game we play

is let's pretend

and pretend

we're not pretending

we choose to

forget

who we are

and then forget

that we've

forgotten

who are we really?

the center

that watches

and runs the show

that can choose

which way

it will go.

the I AM

consciousness

that powerful

loving perfect

reflection

of the cosmos

but in our attempt

to cope with

early situations

we choose or were

hypnotized into

a passive position

to avoid punishment

or the loss of love

we choose to deny

our response/ability

pretending that

things just happened

or that we were

being controlled

taken over

we put ourselves

down

and we have become

used to this

masochistic

posture

this weakness

this indecisiveness

but we are

in reality

free

a center

of cosmic energy

your will

is your power

don't pretend

you don't have it

or you wont.

- Bernard Gunther from 'Chicken Soup for the Soul'

The Story of India..

Tired of watching 'F.R.I.E.N.D.S' over and over again (not that I would completely stop lol) I decided to watch the series of documentaries called 'The Story of India' by Michael Wood based on my friend Abhi's advice(thanks a ton Abhi!)....and I loved it! For all os uf who were kids in the late eighties and early nineties, an age that cable TV hadn't invaded, the word documentary usually conjures up images of lifeless, never ending Doordarshan programmes with monotonous music (sorry if I hurt any Doordarshan fans here, but had to tell the truth!). And the narrative is usually a gender neutral voice pronouncing every word with utmost care, thereby killing (other than the viewers) the essence of what is being said!

This is probably why any of us would strongly resist calling 'The Story of India' a documentary. The show(to call it so, for lack of better words) is full of life; mostly due to the enthusiastic host, Michael Wood who injects life into every story he tells. While the show is aimed at British audiences, it is a must watch for any Indian, and in my opinion, every schoolkid before he/she starts studying(and almost simultaneously!) hating history as a subject. For Wood, as he travels across India , history is all around for us to see. He carefully traces back little traditions and practices to ancient times, pausing just long enough to keep our attention and then moving on to the next fascinating chapter in the story of our glorious land; a stark contrast to usual documentaries that harp on the same point in detail until it becomes intolerable.

The visuals flit from images from the past to present day India where Wood walks along, talking to historians and the local chai-wala with the same ease. He also carefully sets the time period mentioning other historical events such as the fall of Rome, thus painting a complete picture of Indian history's place in that of the world. But don't be put off by my frequent usage of the word 'history'! Wood also touches upon present day issues such as caste based politics and the Ram Janmabhoomi, sensitising the viewer, to past events that have led to them.

At the end of each documentary you are surprised at how much he managed to cover, just by tracing back events through curiosity, rather than as 'history'. He begins for instance, by tracing the man whose forefathers were the first ones to reach India from Africa! And you realise that Wood is not just another one of those, India crazy westerners for whom this is a fad (his daughters are named Minakshi and Jyoti!) : his pronounciation and knowledge of both North and South Indian languages is impeccable.

At the end of the day, even if you aren't a history buff - give it a watch. Some of the visuals are so amazing (a boat on the Ganga early in the morning, Kerala in the monsoon) that you are genuinely sorry you need someone to show you this breathtaking beauty around you. And you might learn a few surprising facts. Did you know for instance, that the story of Lord Rama's golden age was probably inspired by that of King Chandragupta Maurya?! And you must appreciate how difficult it is to cover over 10,000 years of history in six interesting capsules (history haters, you've got to agree!). For your benefit here they are:

1. Beginnings
2. The Power of Ideas
3. Spice Routes and Silk Roads
4. Ages of Gold
5. The Meeting of two Oceans
6. Freedom and Liberation
Here's the wiki link to the series as well...Happy Watching!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Story_of_India

Exam-ine this!

Come March and it is exam time all over the country. A few weeks back,while driving to work, I saw kids outside a school waiting to write public/board exams and I felt a twinge of nostalgia followed by relief! This April, it will be a whole year since I have NOT written a single exam for atleast about 18 years! Seems wierd that I even think of such stuff? Not really...read on.

I have always had a love-hate relationship with exams. I started off doing fine, then went on to think of them as a necessary evil and finally ended by realising their futility after surprisingly, getting used to them. I was fortunate enough to grow up in places and around people who did not beleive exams to be the be all and end all of life. My dad always insisted that I be one among the best in class which meant doing well at exams but he insisted equally that I do well in other areas such as becoming the class leader (what a thrill that used to be back then...lol) or extra curricular activities. My mom looked at them as a necessary evil as well, helping me to study, but never more. I had friends who were mostly like me as well and to others who weren't, I was indifferent.

I guess things changed when I came to Chennai for the last three years of school. Suddenly, marks were all that mattered and almost everyone had realised it earlier than me! I worried myself sick before every exam and agonised over them after they were over(especially Maths, an anathema!). I pushed myself hard and tried to outdo the others - actions I regret today. I remember not sleeping a wink before the Chemistry board exam in 12th standard and feeling awful the next day - lol. All in all, a forgettable time. In hindsight, looking at the uselessness of those (sometimes few) marks which I strived and obtained, I feel genuinely sorry for kids whom I see in that state today. I truly beleive that society takes them for a ride leading them to believe that school exams and public exams are ultra - important because they are not.

As is often the case, college changed me. Competition dwindled and worked to my advantage. I realised that if I didnt push myself so hard, I did better. I even scored the best in Maths! Realising my unsuitability for the exam phenomenon, I abandoned the last minute hurry and made myself a more relaxed schedule. It was a winning combination! I did better in exams and even better at other activities. I followed this ever since, even through my post graduation and it clicked! I avoided studying the 'possible questions' which professors doled out and looked at the syllabus and the aim of the subject. While I am not the topper of the class (nor was it my aim), I think I managed to pass decently and more importantly, learn more. I know today that I can take a course and learn whatever is taught, even if there isn't an exam at the end.

A few unpleasant experiences related to exams have led me to still fear an exam because there is often more to it than what I can control and also because it often negates every other method of assessment which may have been followed. I would genuinely be interested in making a change about this in the future if I can. But in the meantime, I genuinely feel everyone needs to build on an 'exam philosophy' in life. Mine, for instance was 'its useless and you know it, but you need to get through it fast, if you want write about how much you hated it'! LOL. But seriously, you do. It might become a parable for many other aspects of life.

Of course, exams bring along a lot of other memories. Sharpening penciles and getting the pencil box ready, last minute 'all the best' wishes to friends before entering the exam hall and of course, the elation of getting back a paper that you've done well! But they stop at that. I feel happier today to learn stuff and work against my own standards.I think I am freer today because I dont have to write exams and what's best, having the choice of never doing so again in the future!

Memories - I

In one of my favourite Agatha Christies, a character who has gone through a lot of difficulties in her life says " No matter how tough life is later, it's a blessing if one has had a happy childhood..because noone can ever take that away from you" (Patricia Fortescue in "A Pocketful of Rye"). I guess that is true.

I went back to Trichy last weekend for my college alumni meet. While Saturday was spent gregariously with friends and a party, on Sunday afternoon,I made my way in the city bus to my grandparents' at Srirangam. Entering Srirangam always makes you feel like you're entering a different world..maybe because the quiet laidback town is a contrast to the college life I leave behind. Also, because it reminds me a lot of my childhood. When I was a kid, we used to go to Srirangam every summer. And memories of walking the dusty streets alongside the goats reminds me of a time gone by.

After an afternoon of catching up with family, it is evening. There are no cousins to keep me company anymore and my bus to Chennai is five hours away. I decide, like often, to skip the crowds and queues at the Lord Ranganathar (Big) temple that Srirangam is known for and make my way all alone to the Kaatazhagiya Singar Kovil at the end of the street. The name refers to the beauty of the lion of the forest, Lord Nrisimha being half man and half lion, the place obviously having association with a forest in earlier days. It's the quieter, lesser known temple in the town, and yet I am told attracts crowds now.

However, it is not crowded when I enter. I walk along the stone led pathway and watch people lighting lamps. I do the customary round around the temple and then climb up the stairs to see the main deity inside. I love the smell of the temple, a warm welcoming smell, that makes you admire the massive deity inside. Some things never change. I remember the many times I have come here with family. As I walk out of the main chamber I see a relative who remembers me once I tell her whose daughter and granddaughter I am and I am given kalkandu prasadam (a sweet offering made to the temple deity and then distributed to others). I stop there right outside the main chamber and pause to look at the wall paintings of the various forms of Lord Nrisimha outside. I am keenly aware that I am probably becoming more religious(!) or is it?

I am just beginning to remember that I have some memory of standing here before too, when I hear a small girl standing next to her sister, call out: "Matsya Koorma Varaha Nrisimha...Varaha enga pa?(Avatars of Lord Vishnu in chronological order)" and I now know what it is! I remember standing here with my brother figuring out the avatars from the paintings too. It may seem trivial, but it is such a vivid memory that I am surprised. I guess I haven't moved so far away from childhood after all, I wonder. I may worry more about money and work and the future, I think now that it's been several months at a job, but childhood memories will always remain. And Patricia Fortescue is right.

Loneliness

So just today on the ride to work, my close friend Deepa and I started talking about loneliness. And I am not talking about anything romantic...but just plain loneliness...and how people deal with it. And I realised, how difficult it is for most people to learn to be alone. Even for a little while. I guess it comes with experience..but in the last few years, I have not had too m any problems with it..because I've been kind of used to it. I mean, I have learnt especially in the last 2 years away from home, that I don't always need someone to talk to...which is the complete opposite of the chatterbox I was as a kid (and sometimes still am!)

I guess shifting schools and my college life made me learn a lot bout being, just by yourself. I realised that one's own company was better than being with just ANYONE else. Deepa used to find it odd in hostel that I would go out all alone to temples! Now I understand why it could be wierd.

But there is strange consolation in learning to be alone. Nowdays, when I am alone I find a strange sense of calm sweeping over me. I know that I have enough people in my life to make me happy. But more importantly I realise, they don't have to be around me all the time.

The next one

Discarding my earlier plan of a totally anonymous blog (after noting zero visits to my blog!), here I am again! In case you noticed the overt use of exclamations in my post(s), here is an explanation. You know, I think some people are born slightly autobiographical...I mean, they're the ones who believe that others would be interested in their thoughts and actions and that they need to therefore be written down for posterity.

Well, I am one of those souls. Only, I'm one of those who took this to such a level that some time into childhood, I almost always had a narrative of my life running through my head, all the time! This was so overwhelming that I decided there was no possible way that I could record all that I felt, or all that happened. And anything lesser would be injustice. Thus, no diary, no blog.

But one matures with age...and when I realised recently how much I enjoyed my favourite hobby of reading others blogs, and on receiving comments such as the one mentioned in my earlier post - I decided to have one too. I guess at one point you realise that everything cannot be perfect and yet you need to make a start. Anyway, after the above epic on the history of my blog, I decided to start off my blog with some thanksgiving. You see, I have realised that happiness is a choice, and one learns slowly to appreciate the small things in life and then moves on to bigger ones. So here's a list of small things in my life which make me immensely happy!

1. Driving down Pondy Bazaar in Chennai,on a scooter, on a sunny morning watching the shadows of the huge trees play on the road.
2. Entering an air conditioned room after a long ride on a hot day.
3. Holding my infant cousin and playing with her and making her laugh.
4. Eating lunch at office with my colleagues who are also my friends from college.
5. Taking my dog out for a relaxed walk at night.
6. Walking on the terrace after waking early in the morning.
7. Thinking of an upcoming train journey to another town/city.
8. Laughing together while watching F.R.I.EN.D.S with my own friends!
9. Talking to a good friend on the phone at night after a long time.
10. Singing out loud, despite a sore throat while having the helmet on!
Wanted to get to ten somehow and just managed! More to come - rest in next!

Finally!

Started my own blog - finally!!
In case you're wondering what the whole deal is with the "finally!", here goes the story: a few weeks back I was meeting an old school friend after long while. When I told her that i read her blog freqently she asked me " So do you have one?" When I told her that I didn't, she was surprised "Really? But you must". " Why?" I asked, surprised myself. " Because you seem to be the kind of person who...you know writes down her thoughts...but doesn't tell anyone about it". "What?" was my reaction. I could not be like that, I thought. But come to think of it, I figured - why not?! So here goes. Here's to a new beginning!Rest in next!