Exam-ine this!

Come March and it is exam time all over the country. A few weeks back,while driving to work, I saw kids outside a school waiting to write public/board exams and I felt a twinge of nostalgia followed by relief! This April, it will be a whole year since I have NOT written a single exam for atleast about 18 years! Seems wierd that I even think of such stuff? Not really...read on.

I have always had a love-hate relationship with exams. I started off doing fine, then went on to think of them as a necessary evil and finally ended by realising their futility after surprisingly, getting used to them. I was fortunate enough to grow up in places and around people who did not beleive exams to be the be all and end all of life. My dad always insisted that I be one among the best in class which meant doing well at exams but he insisted equally that I do well in other areas such as becoming the class leader (what a thrill that used to be back then...lol) or extra curricular activities. My mom looked at them as a necessary evil as well, helping me to study, but never more. I had friends who were mostly like me as well and to others who weren't, I was indifferent.

I guess things changed when I came to Chennai for the last three years of school. Suddenly, marks were all that mattered and almost everyone had realised it earlier than me! I worried myself sick before every exam and agonised over them after they were over(especially Maths, an anathema!). I pushed myself hard and tried to outdo the others - actions I regret today. I remember not sleeping a wink before the Chemistry board exam in 12th standard and feeling awful the next day - lol. All in all, a forgettable time. In hindsight, looking at the uselessness of those (sometimes few) marks which I strived and obtained, I feel genuinely sorry for kids whom I see in that state today. I truly beleive that society takes them for a ride leading them to believe that school exams and public exams are ultra - important because they are not.

As is often the case, college changed me. Competition dwindled and worked to my advantage. I realised that if I didnt push myself so hard, I did better. I even scored the best in Maths! Realising my unsuitability for the exam phenomenon, I abandoned the last minute hurry and made myself a more relaxed schedule. It was a winning combination! I did better in exams and even better at other activities. I followed this ever since, even through my post graduation and it clicked! I avoided studying the 'possible questions' which professors doled out and looked at the syllabus and the aim of the subject. While I am not the topper of the class (nor was it my aim), I think I managed to pass decently and more importantly, learn more. I know today that I can take a course and learn whatever is taught, even if there isn't an exam at the end.

A few unpleasant experiences related to exams have led me to still fear an exam because there is often more to it than what I can control and also because it often negates every other method of assessment which may have been followed. I would genuinely be interested in making a change about this in the future if I can. But in the meantime, I genuinely feel everyone needs to build on an 'exam philosophy' in life. Mine, for instance was 'its useless and you know it, but you need to get through it fast, if you want write about how much you hated it'! LOL. But seriously, you do. It might become a parable for many other aspects of life.

Of course, exams bring along a lot of other memories. Sharpening penciles and getting the pencil box ready, last minute 'all the best' wishes to friends before entering the exam hall and of course, the elation of getting back a paper that you've done well! But they stop at that. I feel happier today to learn stuff and work against my own standards.I think I am freer today because I dont have to write exams and what's best, having the choice of never doing so again in the future!